He would tell himself, Man, you really shouldn’t be this lonely. As a kid, he was not uncool or anything; he was athletic, amiable, and social. Yet, he was always able to perceive the gnawing presence of being an outsider. Strange, isn’t it? You are surrounded by people, yet feel like you are all alone. He used to hate that feeling-that deep-seated loneliness that seemed to define his childhood.
He envied those who had close friends. As for him, close friendships were few and far between. He had plenty of surface-level friendships, but being a closeted gay man didn’t help his situation-or so he thought. It was like he lived on a different timeline than others. Always one step behind, never truly fulfilled.
Well, coming out as gay was definitely the turning point he needed. It lifted a weight off his shoulders and eased some of that darkness clouding his mind. Even then, loneliness didn’t completely fade; it still lingered on.
It’s weird how that pang just lingers. You can be surrounded by love, surrounded by support, and still feel it. There’s a song lyric, from Fleetwood Mac’s Go Your Own Way, which always stuck with him. Yes, it’s a breakup song, but he thought of it differently.
A lot of us gay people have to go our own way at one point or another.
He left the old world behind to find a new, enriching one. The gay community was an incredible place to battle loneliness: vibrant, supportive, and affirming. But leaning on it solely to heal that loneliness wasn’t the answer. He learned to lean on himself-to be okay with himself.
Ironically, it turned out that he used to hate being alone, but now he found a use for it. For him, loneliness is a time when he can reflect, be alone with his thoughts, and try to listen to what his heart and mind are saying. Quite a lot of those in and out spend quite a considerable amount of their lives trying to overcome loneliness. But he never chose to let it consume his existence. Instead, he put that into action in many, many moments of finding himself.
He does so many things alone these days: hikes in the woods, solo movie nights, dinners by himself. You know what? That’s very liberating. It feels powerful to reclaim those moments for oneself.
“Loneliness, he realized, isn’t a bad thing. It’s a sign that we’re longing for connection—whether it’s with someone else or, more importantly, with ourselves.”
Loneliness, he realized, isn’t a bad thing; it is basically a signal of our longing to connect with somebody else or, more importantly, with ourselves. And learning to be okay with one’s own company is not easy; it takes time, practice, and lots of self-compassion.
And then there was the role of nature. Among tall trees, quiet lakes, and the hum of life, he never felt alone. There’s just something about being out there, something that reminded him how small his worries really were. In those moments, loneliness didn’t feel like an absence; it felt like a teacher.
For anyone feeling lonely, he would say this: you’re not alone in that feeling. He’s been there, and, honestly, he’s still there sometimes. But he learned to view loneliness in a positive light—as a yearning for more, for a deeper connection with oneself.
Even when he is among his friends, if that pang comes, he knows he feels that way because he is not yet comfortable in his own skin. And that’s okay. Loneliness reminded him that he was human; it invited him to plunge deep into himself.
Embrace that loneliness, he would say. Let it teach you. Let it guide you. Because, in the end, you are the one person you’ll live with for the rest of your life. Yourself. And that’s the one thing we know for certain.
Take a solo hike, treat yourself to a nice dinner, and spend time getting to know you. Loneliness doesn’t have to mean sadness—it’s a chance to connect more deeply with the person you’re becoming.
And trust this: you’re worth knowing.
